ahhhh its been so long since i last posted on here
i guess when ur using a journal then u dont have the energy to keep posting on different sites
well everythings been micky mouse lately
im happier than iv ever been in my entire life
iv met some fantastic people and i still see some old friends but all in all iv been goin out tones and having the time of my life
problem is my body cant keep up and its dieing on me
lol
oh well the price you pay
my course is going great and families all good
iv become a really bruswick st boy and I love it
going to bars on week nights and house partys on the weekends
siting round listing to music and singing dancing and drinking
iv found my place
im glad to be alive



**********
Taken from [link]

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Marc
2. Bajoras
3. B

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. crestfallen
2. 3rd-degree
3. human ashtray

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. i like having a big build it means i can look after people and control situations
2. my natural talents like drawing
3. my kindness

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my weight
2. im obsessed with hugs like realy obsessed with them
3. the way my mind tangles into knots when im alone


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. when i feel like things will always turn out the same (because they always do)
2. being left behind by myself
3. wasting my abilitys doing nothing

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. music
2. friends
3. alcohol

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. mack boots (i love them)
2. dog tag
3. bonds top

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. oh god tooo many Lamb
2. nitin sawhney
3. ani di franco

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. lamb - stronger
2. The Cinematic Orchestra - Burn Out
3. jeff buckley - dream brother

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. steady trustworthy girlfriend lmao like thats gona happen
2. learn a musical insturment
3. sell an artwork

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. an obsessive amount of hugs and kisses
2. faithfullness
3. someone to talk to and go to brunswick st with

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i like to be bitten
2. even tho i love to paint most days i would rather have the shit kicked outa me than that pick up a paint brush
3. im very clean and organised

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. dresses weirdly (op shop)
2. dreads
3. rounded hips

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. play music
2. spell well
3. go without music

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. listing to music
2. drinking
3. going out

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. alcohol
2. have a girl i can trust love and hug
3. to have money so i can go out

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. designer
2. artist
3. somthing to do with music

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. africa
2. scotland
3. eurpo

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. huey
2. duey
3. louie

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Learn to play an instrument
2. Travel the world
3. bring a child up

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. jesus... oh wait
2. bush (but dont tell him it exsist)
3. me ha ha beat you all
**********

why does life always repeat itself
and why do i always end up lyeing in bed trying to fight the nightmares
why do i try when i know tomorow will just be the same
12 fucken scares and i still dont learn
12 reasons to not wake up tomorow
a new year and an old story just regurgitated once again
how many more times can i do this
i have no energy left
life dosnt bring smiles and laughter
i can feel my emotions physicaly
like im sick and can feel the vomit in the back of my thoat
my body shakeing as if im standing in the rain
my mind a blur of pain unable to focus on the keys

why does it always end the same
lies and deception
left of the sidewalk like a discarded piece of trash
forgoten by the time the car reaches the corner

im goin to the vally to think and clear my head i want to see how the sky looks from ontop the tressel bridge

iv been here befor
last time they stoped me and took me out
no one is here now
bye

*update*
the vally was as beautiful as ever
made some phone calls to an old friend and talked things over
hes always good for a laugh
hes one of those ppl that can change u by just being in the same room with him
its like being above all the shit that goes on in this world and just looking down on it and laughing
i found out a few things earlyer that mixed me up
right now it all feels a million miles away
it comes with having a numb mind everything seems like a distant memory
well im off to get ready for tonight


"Don't ever say you've tried to leave me in this life"
missy higgins - Don't Ever
shes great i put her cd on for some reason and its working for me

i herd a song just the other day and it stuck with me
i found myself singing it in the car and repeating the lyrics in my head
if for no other reason i thought i would post the lyrics as a reminder
a day to mark amoung others
a day of to much alkohole and a sore throat and a taste of stomic acid
a day when time stoped and started just as suddenly
a day when life repeated itself as it has so many times befor
a day when i looked at my scars and made a choice
a day when i sat by myself and a day when i sat with others
a day with group hugs and laughter
and a day that ended in a chocolate brown sheet bed beconing to torment me
today was a day for growth and a day for dead
a new year and a year past
2005
a year like every other...


so i post these lyrics because this song has stuck with me
why im not quite sure
the lyrics dont hold all so much value to me
yet it has stuck with me so i shall pay tribute



silverchair - miss u love

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say

But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
'Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

It's just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back




now if u excuse me i shall retreat to my bed for some distant sleep

Jolie Holland - The Littlest Birds

Well, I feel like an old hobo. I'm sad, lonesome and blue, I was fair as a summer's day, now the summer days are through, you pass through places and places pass through you, but you carry them with you on the soles of your travelling shoes. well, I love you so dearly, I love you so clearly, I wake you up in the morning so early just to tell you I got the wandering blues, I got the wandering blues, and I'm going to quit these rambling ways one of these days soon.

And I sing the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.

its times like these I feel so small and wild like the rambling footsteps of a wandering child and I'm lonesome as a lonesome whippoorwill, singing these blues with a warble and a trill, but I'm not too blue to fly, no I'm not too blue to fly cause the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.


I love you so dearly, I love you so fearlessly, I wake you up in the morning so early just to tell you I've got the wandering blues and I don't want to leave you I love you through and through.

Well I left my baby on a pretty blue train and I sang my songs to the cold and the rain. and I had those wandering blues, and I sang those wandering blues and I'm gonna quit these rambling ways one of these days soon.
And I sing the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.
the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs.

I don't care if the sun don't shine and I don't care if nothing is mine and I don't care if I'm nervous with you
I'll do my loving in the wintertime.



i saw her live and i loved her to death, she cursed and she joked and she stoped mid song to tune her guitar
i love gigs where the artist plays real music rather than just repeating the same thing u get on the album
I love it when they play differently or muck around and I think for the first time in a long time im finding myself in music
Iv started making mix cds it started off as a sample thing for my teachers but now I wana start making them so ppl can really love them rather than have a mix of chillout stuff
Lol iv been planing a rusty sound cd
A real “pull up a chair and lend an ear for awhile” cd
Gona have things like cat stevens and bill withers
ben harper and paul Kelly maybe even a jolie Holland song
oh and Tracy Chapman
should be fun
then im thinking about a jazz and blues cd
Janis Joplin, Etta James, Diana Krall, ella Fitzgerald, Aretha franklin, and more
Lol I don’t mean to make then mostly one gender its just the feel of the songs
Also after that im thinking of making an all synthesized and sample cd things like Vangelis - Blade Runner Blues
More computer made songs
Lol im just thinking how music based iv become
Iv always had a real passion for music but now its just taken over
But I aint gona complain
Im happier than I have been for longer than I can remember
I brought a sandalwood candle for my room and it smells beautiful im finaly customising my room to how I like it
I wake up now and im glad I have another day to live
I hunger for life and knowledge
And I long for more late night small talk
lol
ill post more works soon
I really need to get back into the swing of it
Im working on a few pieces at the moment so hopefully ill have them done soon
Anyways im goin to go draw so I can start painting this birthday present
Thanx for reading

Also I love this song



Tracy Chapman - Fast Car Song

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Today I fell in love
Not to something of flesh and blood or even form
But to a melody
To an emotion
To a song
Its not the tune or the sounds that captured me
Its whats behind the notes behind the instruments and rhythm
Its the way it makes me feel
The way I can hear someone singing lyrics that dont exsist
Telling a story without saying a word
Its not the first instrumental that iv fallen in love with but I feel different
I feel better like life is coming together for me and that soon ill b happy again
If only when I play my little song and wonder off deep into my mind where no1 can touch me
If urv never been overwhelmingly in love with something as simple as a song I feel for u
I believe sometimes u have to slow down the pace and take some time to admire the simple things
The way smoke traces in the air and dances around ur fingertips
The smell of moist air after the rain in the morning
The way the stars can be see from across the galaxy and still take ur breath away even after seeing them for the 1,000th time
Its one of the only pure things we have left in this world
what are your little things?
what do u fall in love with?
let me know